Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
