Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
