Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
