god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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