Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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