I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
