Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
