Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
