So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
