I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
