Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
