I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
