even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
