can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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