Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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