I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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