I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
