I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
