Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
