Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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