I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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