Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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