youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
