Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
