dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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