last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
