And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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