Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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