i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
