would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
