cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
