Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
