I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
