You're so nebulous sometimes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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