did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
