I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
