Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
