Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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