Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
