I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
