I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
