Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
