My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
