i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
