The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
