I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
