Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
