Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He kissed a someone with a penis
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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