Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
