I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
